i am feeling less depressed about my sprained ankle (some torn tendon that connects my fibia and tarsal or something). the dr told me that it was normal for it to still be a little swollen 5 weeks after i injured it. i have a new "boot" to wear instead of robo-cop. it feels much better when i walk.

for the past 2 weeks or so, i hadn't seen much improvement, and it really pained me to see people walking around, or even running, because i started believing that i wouldn't ever be able to do those things again, where i once took them for granted. and then i noticed more and more people getting around with the aid of some device, be it a cane, or a wheelchair, or crutches. i started to feel a little bit saddened - maybe 45% enraged, 35% saddened, and 20% scared (is there a word for this?). and then i started thinking back to that time in thailand when i saw a man on a motorcycle get hit by a bus and lose his leg - right there on the street. i imagine it would have to be so hard to comprehend that you just don't have a leg anymore. you can't ride your bike, you can't walk to the kitchen and cook, you can't just walk up those two steps to get into that building, and if you were in a wheelchair, what if the building doesn't have a wheelchair ramp, or you are taking public transit and you need to find a way to get from subway to street level, where is the elevator? is the elevator working? oh, sure i'll come over, oh, but you have lots of stairs?

...there are a million things that usually go on in my mind. [what else is new]... i should stop taking my body for granted. i am an able bodied person, and i should try to keep myself healthy. and not because my doctor tells me that i should watch my health, or because my family tells me that i'm getting fat every time i visit, but because i want to take advantage of what my body still has to offer me, and you know, i want to be happy and being a person who has been getting sick a lot recently, i really enjoy life much better when i'm not sick.

all this sounds so cheesy and hokey. but it's what i need to help me to get motivated why i want to get off my ass and eat healthy (not healthy portions) and exercise. it took me some time to think it through, and it's obvious that i'm still thinking things through and won't ever stop, but i think it's a start. something needs to change. positive thinking goes a long way.

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