um...so yeah. when i first started this blog, i was living in dc and i had more downtime at work and could blog while getting paid. but now i'm living in philly and have a new job where i'm constantly busy. in fact, just today i was telling cavin on the way to work that i was "not going to do anything today because i didn't feel like it."

of course, when i got to work, i had at least a dozen emails with details of all the things i had to do. blah. i guess it makes the day go by faster. something.

so i've been working for about 2 months now and it's actually not as bad as i thought it would be. the people i work with, for the most part, are pretty friendly. but i've come to realize that i don't want to mix work with my outside life anymore, and honestly, i don't need any new friends. i have enough right now - some i haven't even seen since i've moved back (i'm the worst!).

now that this is my third "real" job, i've been thinking that there are certain types of people that you inevitably end up working with. there's one particular character that i've come across that i can't quite figure out.

so there's always this one person that seems to be someone that i would get along with. but when i try to actually talk with them or be friendly towards them, i don't know...something just isn't right with this person, or rather our relationship. here are some examples:

let's call the first person, felly. felly started work after i did, and since there weren't that many young people where we were working, especially girls, i thought i would be extra friendly and try to engage her in conversation. but whenever i did, our conversations would go like this:

sachi: hi felly!
felly: hi.
sachi: so, did you do anything exciting this past weekend?
felly: no.
sachi: oh, so you just stayed in town then?
felly: no.
sachi: so you went out of town?
felly: yes.
sachi: oh, i went out of town also. i went to philly this weekend to visit some friends.
felly: oh. me too.
sachi: oh, you went to philly? that's cool! did you go anywhere exciting?
felly: no.
. . .

as you can see, having a conversation with felly was very painful, as she basically only gave one word answers. i probably would have had a better time talking to myself (which i probably did later at my desk because i was so bored). but i just couldn't understand why she didn't want to be friends with me. am i that unappealing? at the time too, i could have really used a friend, but alas, a friendship was not formed with felly. a year later or so, new people started coming into the area and she somehow became good friends with these other people, and then, of course, i became bitter about it and now i hate her. ok. let's move on to the next example.

let's call this second person, fee. i was working in an office that was hiring new people every other week, or at least it seemed. in a matter of months there were 4 new people, and when each one started, i talked to them and they seemed pretty nice, though they weren't necessarily people i would hang out with outside of work. but no worries - i wasn't looking for that kind of relationship. i just thought it would be nice to be friends with someone that i could have lunch with every now and then. then fee started working, about a few weeks before i moved to another office at the same company. i found out from a third party that fee and i had lots in common. but for some reason, every time i would see her, we would have the most awkward conversations. sometimes i'd get to work and happen to be walking in with her at the same time, forced to ride the elevator with her. but every conversation we had would go like this:

(walking into the building, waiting for the elevator, riding the elevator with her, and then walking past her office to my office)
fee: oh. hi.
sachi: hi.
(silence)
sachi: uh, so. how's work going?
fee: it's ok.
(more awkward silence)
sachi: oh, did stephanie have her baby yet?
fee: yup.
(more silence)
sachi: oh, that's nice. i was thinking i should stop in and say hi because i haven't seen everyone in a while since i changed offices. it's so different in my new office.
fee: hmm.
(we FINALLY get to her office door)
sachi: well, have a...
fee: (at the same time) uh, yeah, have a good day
sachi: yeah, you too.

i just could never get into a jived conversation with her. but when i would have lunch with my old officemates, she would be jibberjabbing away, laughing at inside jokes, and basically ignoring me. so i said, 'fuck her then!' and i ignored her whenever i'd run into her on the train or see her in the hallway. so yeah, i hate her too.

finally, at my new job, i've come across another one of these people. let's call this one, feather. at the holiday luncheon, she sat diagonally across from me, and basically with all the younger people in the office. because we sat pretty close to each other, i could hear what she was saying. it sounded like she had some interesting things to say and we had some things in common, like traveling. and i was going to talk to her, but during the lunch, out of the corner of my eye, i could see her kind of looking / staring at me, and i was kind of uncomfortable, so i didn't approach her. and at work, she is good friends with the girl who sits across the aisle from me, so every now and then she goes to her desk and chit chats. but i feel like she says things really loud so that everyone (especially me) can hear. in fact, just yesterday she trampled over to the friend's desk and was basically having a one-way conversation:

feather: oh! good! you're here.
friend: yeah, i just got off the phone with this company who screwed up my online order...
feather: oh yeah. my vacation was really great. you know, cause i like to travel, and my new year's resolution is to ski every black diamond out there
friend: mmhmm.
feather: and so i did that, but you know, the black diamonds out on the east coast are way different than the black diamonds on the west coast. but next time we're going to this other place so that we can try all the other mountains
friend: mmhmm
feather: and then after that, i'm going to try to...

it was pretty obvious that the friend was trying to tell her the story about how she ordered this coat online and when it got delivered it was the wrong color and she had been on the phone for a while trying to get it straightened out (i know because i sit across from her and i heard the entire thing!), but feather just wanted to talk about herself. and while it is cool that she likes to travel and have fun (she was bragging at the holiday luncheon about a xmas costume party she and her husband had and how they made a 12-month calendar of him w/o his shirt on at all the different places they traveled to as the take-home presents), she just comes across, kind of fake.

she's actually a manager and i'm glad that when i interviewed with her, i didn't take the job working for her. i think my opinion of my job would be a lot worse.

but yeah, i basically stay away from her and, you guessed it. i hate her.

i don't know what it is. maybe as i get older, i'm more bitter about people not wanting to be my friend, or at least willingly want to talk to me. and i know i said i didn't want to really make any friends. but it's always nice to have a family-like relationship with the people you work with (like my very first job, which i will forever be thankful that was my first real job experience) and it makes it more enjoyable to be at work and go to work functions or even just to have options for lunch.

i guess we'll see how it goes in my first few months. but as of right now, i'll just stick to hating the fellys, fees, and feathers out there and flying solo for lunch.

Labels: random, work