at the end of february, during a break in a training class i was attending, i stumbled into a conversation about hair salons.

girl 1: ... yes, i got my hair cut, but this was a few weeks ago. i got it all chopped off! An did such a good job! i love him! did you know i work there as a massage therapist?
girl 2: oooh! i didn't know! i LOVE An also! he's the only person i ever let cut my hair!
me: are you talking about hair salons? i've been looking for a good place to get my hair cut, because i'm really nervous about paying a lot of money for a haircut that sucks.
girl 2: oh! then you should DEFINITELY go to heaven and earth - it's in lafayette hill. you should have An cut your hair. see this? see my hair? this is An's work. i don't even have to blow dry my hair! it just dries naturally like this! TOTALLY go to heaven and earth and get your hair cut by An!
girl 1: yeah, you should go there - the only thing is that An doesn't do "updo's". but other than that, he's REALLY good. here's the phone number. definitely make an appointment.
me: sure, why not? i'll give it a try. thanks!

so, i made an appointment to get my haircut by the alleged amazing An. i'm picturing this total diva, perhaps with stylistics similar to Christian, from project runway. i mean, what kind of person (guy) has the name "An", except an over-the-top, self-righteous prima donna?

but before i go into the details of heaven and earth and this "An" character, let's review the conversation i had weeks before my fate, which might have hinted at what was to come...

clue #1: i was in a training class AT WORK. no shortage of khaki pants and tacky color coordinated sweaters and cardigans here! i should have guessed that the people dressing like color coordinated robots get their hair cut at robot salons.

clue #2: the salon is in lafayette hill. while i don't doubt that there are some trendsters in the area, i would bet my mittens that the majority of people going to this salon are suburbanites and that more style-conscious peeps are not traveling to the suburbs to get their hair styled.

clue #3: girl #2's uninspired hair cut. she basically had long (down to the middle of her back), straight, hair. no layering. no angles. just cut straight across. !?!? like that is supposed to show off "the amazing An" and his prowess with scissors? pul-leeze. i just cut jano's hair a few weeks ago and i think i did a better job than what An did with girl #2's hair...and i don't even get PAID to cut hair!

but, my hair was just getting too long since my last haircut several months ago. i didn't have any other leads, so i thought, well, maybe it won't be that bad...

i was really nervous all day before my haircut, and with good reason. when i parked the car, i was thinking, 'well, this can't be that bad." heaven and earth is in a house that was converted to a salon. when i was walking up to the door, i noticed a woman walking out - a middle aged lady whose hair didn't look terrible, but looked very unremarkable.

once inside, the lady at the front desk was an older woman (no hair style whatsoever). she was nice enough, but as i started to look around, everything there seemed to scream, "WE ARE MEDIOCRE IF YOU PLEASE!" (teen magazine in the waiting area; Q102 music blasting from the speakers; no younger people). yet, i went against my better judgement and still hoped for the best. plus, i didn't yet meet the amazing and mysterious An!

to say that i was disappointed when I met An is an understatement. he wasn't a diva in any way, shape, or form. most importantly, his hair wasn't styled (or even cut) remarkably, plus he was going gray. and, the mysteriousness of his name was debunked: he was vietnamese. (i was secretly hoping that it was short for something fantastic, like Anwanatobioshizimbabwe - and maybe it is, but after one look at him, i didn't really care anymore.) but still, i was hoping for the best...

i showed him a picture of what my hair used to look like after jackie cut it and i asked, "do you think you can cut my hair like this?" and unequivocally, he stated, "of course!" and started hacking away. and it seemed like everything was on course until he started blow drying my hair.

i took my glasses off during most of my haircut, but something didn't feel right. i felt bristles scraping my scalp, very similar to bristles that would be on a ROUNDED brush. i quickly asked, "maybe you want to blow dry my hair straight? isn't that a ROUND brush you are using?" the response i got was, "oh, i'm just giving your hair some body, that's all. it's so fine that it needs body." to which i responded, "are you sure? i think you should blow it straight" but he reassured me that it would be fine.

then i said, "please don't cut my bangs so short because i don't want them getting into my eyes" and he reassured me that they would be fine. then later he used the small rounded bristle brush to curl my bangs. (yes, i just said that he CURLED my bangs!)

finally i put my glasses on. he handed me a mirror and spun me around and said, "i didn't stack it as much as you wanted in the back," (i.e. he didn't cut it that short in the back AT ALL, which basically meant he didn't cut my hair like in the picture i showed him at the start). when i saw what he did, my first reaction was shock. he totally had styled my hair as if i was some senior citizen working the streets in north philly. all i needed was uber red lipstick and blue eyeshadow to make the look complete. "oh, uh, thanks. it looks...pretty ok."

then he handed me his business card and told me to call in the future for my next appointment. as i walked to the front desk, i felt embarrased that i let him style my hair the way that he did. did he see me as a complete idiot? (apparently so, since he cut my hair to look one.) i tried to get out of there as quickly as possible.

driving away in my car, there were moist cheeks and screams coming from the mess that i was. by the time i made it home, i was livid that i had spent all that money for an awful haircut. i made a scene when i walked in the door and my parents thought something terrible had happened to me. "LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT THIS!!!" my dad was nice, "it looks good." meanwhile, my mom could see that it wasn't good. but she was on the phone and couldn't console me.

i immediately ran upstairs and washed my hair, muttering swear words at An and at myself for not knowing better. after it dried, it wasn't necessarily as bad as it could have been: he left it longer than i wanted, though the bangs were shorter than what i asked for.

my saving grace was telling myself that because he left it long, when i get it cut in the near future (NOT by An, or anyone else in that old folks home they are calling heaven and earth), i would still have enough hair to get it styled properly.

so... to sum it all up:

1. don't go to heaven and earth
2. don't get your hair cut by any vietnamese person named An
3. don't listen to co-workers in corporate america about where to get your hair cut
4. do trust your instincts
5. don't betray the all-knowing and most awesome stylest, jackie.

Labels: chaos